LESSONS LEARNED

At the end of every year, I usually take some time off to examine my life in the past ten to eleven months. There are a lot of great locations around the world where I wish I could get this done like beach resorts in the Bahamas, St Vincent and Grenadines, Brazil and even Obudu cattle ranch in my backyard. “One day,” I say to myself. Let me not get carried away looking at Forbes’ best beach resorts in the world. The reality is that I do not get to go on retreats so I just spend time in the quiet of my habitat, in the confinements of Crib de la Mine and reflect on how well I spent my life. I look at every aspect of my existence on earth; physical, emotional, spiritual and professional life. I tell you, it’s a long look. It was Socrates, the great Philosopher, who said that the unexamined life is a life not worth living. How true! Every person, project, company must review or evaluate how they have done. This is very vital to become better or to improve the way things are with your life, project or company. There is a popular phrase that says that if you do business as usual, you would get the same results. Therefore if you want to experience differences in your life or work, you have to examine your activities so that you can note down what to do differently next time. To constantly evaluate yourself is to open yourself to new possibilities, change and progress. At this point I say "TM" because I have never heard this saying anywhere, I am sure someone must have thought it, evaluated it but I have articulated it, so "TM".

The first thing I usually do is to recall the goals and resolutions I set at the beginning of the year. Over the years, I have seen the wisdom of SMART goals. At this point I give kudos to my teachers that taught me about making goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time bound. When I have done this, I try to write a list of all the activities that I carried out this year and then I start to match these activities with my goals to see how much I have accomplished in accordance with my set goals. A lot of times, I find out that there are some activities I engaged in that were not planned for but I list them as part of my accomplishments. There were also activities planned for that was not carried out. For these activities I either strike them out or carry them over to the following year depending on how high they fall on my priority list. When I have done this, it is also noteworthy to mention that it is expedient to go through the things that have been achieved and evaluate how well you excelled at each of them. Sometimes it is not enough to just say you did something. I have a magnet on my fridge that says, “Every morning, I exercise up and down, up and down and then the other eye lid.” You have to ask yourself, “Did I carry out my activities to the best of my ability? Did I use all resources at my disposal to produce the results that I got? It is then important to write out the things you did so well that you would want to repeat in the future and things you could have done better and differently. These are the things I refer to as the lessons learned. This process is usually bitter sweet. It can bring both happiness and disappointment in oneself but you must remember that there is always room for kaizen – continuous improvement.

I have not started this process of examination but sometimes you start to learn your lessons from day 1 of the year. The three biggest lessons I have learnt so far are: One, never JUDGE anyone. Judging, I can assure you, is a sweet task to do. You get to over-analyze another human’s behavior. If you like you could even go as far as to analyze why they act the way they do going back into the person’s past as if you were there. You become an unauthorized psychologist, an unpaid one for that matter. Of course I have stories and experiences to back this up and will share them another time. The second lesson I learned is the importance of being tolerant. I find that it is a virtue both necessary for my faith and my personal growth as an individual with a desire to establish good relationships with myself, women, men and organizations. The third of the lessons is the art of silence. Knowing when to speak and with whom to speak to are very crucial in all ramifications of life. Sometimes the person you deem wise enough to reveal your mind to at this minute might not be the person you need to bare your soul to at the next hour. Be Wise! I know we have been given the freedom of speech but we have to be very careful. It is just priceless to learn this art on your own as compared to being taught by life.

Finally, I will not hesitate to praise and reward myself for the good things I have accomplished this year. At this point, I encourage you to praise and reward me in tangible ways especially with the advent of Christmas which is a time to give and show love. I will also encourage myself to do better next year. I refuse to punish myself for things I have not done right because I am not perfect and I can only aspire to be better. When I have accomplished all this, I will certainly make concrete plans for the following year for he who fails to plan, plans to fail. At this point, I cannot say "TM" because Winston Churchill said this during the World War II and it is very much documented.

My Name Is................

I remember watching the movie ‘my name is Khan’ directed by Karan Johar and enjoyed it. The hero of the movie had a need to identify who he was so that he would not be judged or treated unfairly. ‘My name is Khan and I am not a terrorist.’ Rizvan Khan said over and over again. The movie struck a chord in my heart and made tears almost roll down my cheeks. I said to myself ‘what kind of situation would make me scream out or speak out ‘“My name is Yeside and I am not corrupt.” ’ How bad a situation that would be! How bad for those who experience such now! I am however lucky that I have an identity. Not just an identity, an Identity recognized by law.

I was at a meeting recently where they discussed birth registration. At first, I asked myself what good the meeting will be. As I sat glued to the chair, the speaker, a representative of the chairman of the National population commission, discussed the importance of civil registration and its benefits. Of all he said, what struck me the most was that a person whose birth is not registered in Nigeria does not exist. To not exist means not to be alive. Visualize yourself standing in the midst of a crowd. Everyone is walking around you. There is no friendly face in sight and no one gazes at you. You enter a shop to pick up a snack and you shout ‘hello, can I have a doughnut?’ but no one responds. They talk as if you are not there. That is because you are not there. Your voice cannot be heard, you simply do not exist.

In 2010, it was estimated that there would be about 5 million births in Nigeria and at the end of the year records showed that only about 1, 050, 604 births were registered. What happened to the rest of the 4 million children born? Not quite existing? Research has shown that children who are unregistered are often children whose parents are displaced due to war or civil conflicts, children from localities where there is low awareness of birth registration, especially rural and remote communities, as well children born in very poor families, orphans or children whose parents have separated, divorced or widowed and children of single mothers/teenage mothers/out of school girls children born by abused or sexually exploited girls and women. Do not say to yourself ‘But I talk to people, I buy drugs, I can buy food because I speak and can be heard and no one would ask for a birth certificate before any transaction. Besides, what good will a birth certificate do for you?’

We are all created by God, we all do exist but LEGALLY anyone whose birth is not registered does not exist. He or she is not eligible for healthcare, admission into school, voting, obtaining a passport, employment, etc. If such a person is trafficked for the purpose of labor or prostitution, that individual cannot be defended legally because his/her identity is in question. Would they be able to say that you are a Nigerian? You could pass as someone from Niger or Cote d’ Ivore or Ghana. You would not be identified by your tribal marks or your gapped teeth neither can you say you are a Nigerian because you speak Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, Gbagyi, Gwari. The benefits of vital registration are many and should not be undermined. Encourage your friends, co-workers, helpers, labourers, every one you know, to register their children and get themselves registered.

Birth registration is a permanent and official record of a child’s existence. It is the first step towards recognizing a child’s inalienable right as a human being. Rizvan Khan, though he had Asperger’s syndrome, knew who he was and what he stood for. Like him, I can proudly say that my name is Yeside and I am a Nigerian. If you have any doubts about this, please take a short trip to Ebute Metta and check the records there.

QUOTA COUNTER!!!

Nigerians worked hard to ensure that their votes counted in the recently concluded elections. This goes to show that as a people, we can achieve greatness if we set our minds to it and if we have the right push factors working for us. Building a nation has never been an easy task. You only need to read from history to understand that Rome was not built in a day. Our Nation, Nigeria, needs more than building. You can compare it to a ‘Molue’ that has its lights blown and the belly close to the ground groaning as it tries to climb hills. It needs new body parts, repairs and maintenance. Or better still liken it to a lover who has been badly beaten and wounded. She needs to get out of a bad relationship, get healed of her wounds and start making choices that would only bring her good.

To achieve the great Nation that Nigeria deserves to be, all hands have to be on deck. We cannot elect a president and governors and expect them to do everything. The power belongs to the people (not in the PDP kind of way). It is essential to note that with Power also comes responsibility. As a people, everything we do or not do has implications on our society.
Recently, we celebrated the workers day and an important point to reflect on is ‘What are you contributing to make Nigeria a better place?’ We should learn to see Nigeria as our own and not the governments or the minorities who dictate what happens. When you own something, you care for it.

WORK
Our work should be a vocation and not just a job. A vocation is a calling. You should derive pleasure doing what you do. By finding happiness in what you do, you give it everything you have. It was Martin Luther King, Jnr that said “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.” Unfortunately, a lot of people have a misplaced sense of what work should be. Our work should be more than just the income it brings and the bills it pays. We spend ¾ of our lives doing our work. If we spend that amount of time doing jobs we hate, we would have a lot to regret at the end. It would be a sad thing to have a lot to regret when we should be celebrating fulfilled lives. Your work should be something you do quite well and with gusto, it does not have to be high paying – a lot of things in life are more important than money. If you ask a younger person, they would disagree but when you speak to elderly people who have gone through life they will assure you that money is not the source of happiness or fulfillment. Everyone who does his work to the best of his ability contributes his quota to building Nigeria.

DIGNITY IN LABOUR
Farmers are people who feed the world, yet Farming is a profession that a lot of people avoid. Nannies are people who bring up children in our society yet they are treated shabbily and with disdain sometimes. These are people who contribute their quota to developing our nation. There are a lot of other occupations that are deemed as non-dignifying, but go a long way to make life better for Nigerians. We need to change our attitudes and start appreciating these people who do ‘odd jobs’. For instance, the street sweeper who does a shabby job, sweeps refuse into the drainage instead of packing it into the garbage truck for disposal at the dunghills. This action would lead to blocking of the drainage, breeding of mosquitoes that cause malaria, contribute to degradation of the roads, cause traffic and hence reduce the productivity of the workforce. Such a sweeper has contributed to damaging the Nation instead of building. We need to take the time to understand the consequences of not doing our work well so that we can renew our minds.

REWARDS
The words from proverbs read “See a man diligent in his duties? He shall stand before kings and not before mean men.” Working hard and working smart is essential for being successful at what you do. Sometimes, even when we have work that we feel great doing, the social vices such as corruption, indiscipline make it hard to achieve much. This leaves a bitter taste in our mouths and brings us to the crossroads: fight and face the consequences or join in if you cannot beat the system. I encourage you to dare to be courageous. If we want to achieve greatness, like the wounded lover, we have to step out of a bad relationship, get healed and start making good choices – no matter how painful they are or the magnitude of sacrifices we have to make.

The last admonition I have is that as a country we need to have faith, not the kind that keeps us on our knees and lays our responsibility on God but faith that would spur us on to action, lead us to the taps of courage and like the bearded Moses of old, bring us to points where we can divide the daunting Seas because anything is possible if we just believe.

CHANGE HAS COME!!!

My Fellow Nigerians, TODAY we shall cast our votes for the man who we think is the most acceptable of the lot. A lot of messages and emails have circulated like wild fire casting doubts in our minds about each of the 'most likely to win' candidates. We have deliberated on who will be the candidate that would, like in the cartoon Superted, sprinkle some cosmic dust and bring Nigeria back to ‘life’. Would it be the General, the lecturer or the policeman?

Most Nigerians are tired of the ‘one-party’ system we have had and hope that perhaps someone from another party will bring the change we so desperately desire. I have this to say: Change has already come. Nigerians have woken up from their slumber, perhaps still drowsy but eyes have been opened. We are holding on to our rights and casting our votes. Of course there is the doubt that creeps into our minds that our votes would not count but people are rising up against all odds to cast their votes. If you don’t call it change, give it a name then.

Change for us will be gradual. We may not succeed in changing the system this time around but we have started changing ourselves. The saying that change must first come from within before it spreads is quite true. We are gradually dropping our laidback attitude. Everyone is talking, arguing, fighting about who should be voted for but most importantly we are making choices. The days when we would just fold our hands and say ‘shout from morning till night, the leaders will embezzle and there is nothing we can do about it’ is receding to the past gradually. Change does not necessarily have to begin from the top, it can start with us and so it has.

When we finally get a president (i am beginning to think that a lecturer, general or policeman would not matter because the people are getting stronger but prove me wrong) from this credible election (hopefully credible),we will not just sit back and let him do as he pleases. We will speak out more through every channel we have and demand that we are treated right. My great Nigerians, change has comes to us, albeit slowly, but it surely is here.

Poker Face!

‘Extra! Extra! Elections are coming!’ I hear a newspaper man singing in my imagination ‘Our fates would be decided soon! Read all about it!’ Different people have asked me over a period of time who I would vote for. ‘Buhari, Ribadu, or GEJ?’ they would ask and I just look blankly at them. The simple reason for my impassive stance is that I am very much dissatisfied with the state of things as many youths are. Notwithstanding we all still have to make a choice. Now, to make an informed choice, you have to know what your problem is or what you want and then list out all the options available to you (and not to America). You can then match your list of available options to your want list and see which of the options best meet your desires. This process reminds of a system a friend of mine proposed to me for choosing a husband. She asked me to list everything I want in husband from most crucial to the most trivial characteristic. The next step was to take my list to God in prayer and then compare with what I had available. It was an interesting exercise. So now I sit wondering what I really want in a leader. I am not thinking about whether I can manage what is available or whether I have no options really but about the true shepherd I want leading us in this country.

So, in my fantasy I am thinking that I want a leader who has a vision for Nigeria. Not Obasanjo’s vision or something that looks like an afterthought but his own well-thought out and pruned vision, a vision that we all can share as a people. I want a man who sees the blue prints and knows every blue line in the white background because he penned it down. I want a man (or woman in the nearest future) whose mind is attuned to a life of service who will put the people first instead of spending most of his time lining his pockets with gold, gold that reeks of blood and sufferings of the people of the delta. I shall name him ‘Esperanza’ which means hope in Spanish.
Esperanza is a person of almost flawless character. His charisma puts the likes of Bill Clinton and Obama at the back of the class. He never shies away from Public debates and when he steps up to the podium to defend what he has to offer, he would make us weep with joy. Esperanza is courageous and would defend the truth at any cost. He has a penchant for being focused on things that make the country better instead of wasting time defending his position and crushing unwanted enemies. He understands the eccentricity of the Nigerian situation; he has a true grasp of what it takes to lead a country with over 150 million people with diverse cultures and religion and will treat all with equity and equality. He can adapt to situations, he is compassionate as well as tough in the battle. Esperanza would not succumb to the whims of god-fatherism nor run about lining the pockets of his aides and fellow comrades so that he can stay in power or so that his wrong-doings would not be exposed. He would certainly not publicly or privately praise evil doers or prison convicts and would not be seen as weak. He went to school to study the art of diplomacy and has respect for God.

Esperanza is the man who will choose his team wisely because of what they can offer the country and not because it’s a party code thing. That is the man that would make me smile every time his name is called because he knows how to ‘flip the lid’ of my country. Need I mention that integrity, hard work, wisdom are amongst his core values.

We have never experienced his rule before. If we had, we would have held on to him. Power failure, bad roads, poor educational system, corruption would have been a thing of the past, ‘Abi?’ I say to myself. We would have a productive workforce in a system where the environment is enabled. Young kids, when asked what good governance is, would say ‘What President Esperanza is doing is defined as good governance.’
Now that I have done this, I will compare with what is available and pick one. What more can I say? When the day of election comes, I will walk to the polling boot with my poker face, I will show neither exasperation nor frustration and I will ‘press my hand’. You can do the same if you so desire.

The Courage to Dare

Recently, I have found myself repeating words of the Serenity prayer over and over again. ‘Dear lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.’ Do I dare to be courageous about anything? Am I prepared for the consequences that could arise as a result of my attempt to do things in the right way? Do I realise that in facing the consequences I would most likely be standing alone in my ‘truth’? Or would I cower with weakness at the first sight of unimagined catastrophe as a result of my ‘good action’?

Sometime ago, I sat among a gathering of friends to discuss making a change in our lives and in our dear country and these where the questions that hit me and it felt like a stray smelly paper flying about the street landing on my face. Did I hear you say ‘Ewww!’ I am trying to answer these questions now and so should you. Anyone who wishes to do what is right must have courage to dare and face the consequences. The process of change is almost never a sweet one. Its demands are great.

The recent registration of vote for the upcoming elections made me more retrospective about the topic. I was appalled to notice that some Nigerians were trying to bribe the police officers and the defence team to help them get ahead of the long queue in other to register on time. Granted that the process was tedious and time consuming, it was the first step in ensuring that we could ‘do a right’ by voting (whether our votes will count is a different matter). These officers were there to maintain order; it was easier controlling kids than controlling people eligible to vote. During the process of my registration, when I was almost at the ‘promise land’, a defence corp member brought someone and fixed her right in my front. This person was way bigger and mouthy and I feared what would happen if I challenged them but I remembered the saying ‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.’ So I stood my grounds and rejected vehemently the defence corp and his ‘evil’ plan. Amidst the fracas, I managed to stay in my rightful position and completed my registration. Once satisfied with my voter’s card, I looked at the defence corp member and said ‘I followed the due process.’ I left with a great feeling in my heart. But perhaps, it could have gone wrongly, the Defence team could have knocked me about and thrown me out of the line saying I was obstructing progress. The cheating person could have pushed me on the floor for daring to show the corruption that was taking root while we were registering to vote democratically in other to end corruption. It could all have ended badly and I would have faced some consequences for trying to oppose their wrong doing, but good Nigerians who were on the queue also supported the right thing.

I thought about the fact that we all have to display courage in every aspect of our lives, at work, home, church, streets, markets etc and we may not necessarily be vindicated. I thought about more grave instances where people have lost their lives for trying to demand justice and fairness, ending corruption and promoting goodness. I remember Tunisia and Egypt, their fights towards a better life. Victory will come when we step out in faith to defend a good cause.

We all want Nigeria to be a better place but what steps are we taking to achieve this. Are we going to keep talking about the right thing but never demanding and fighting for it? Are you going to stand in the market were you sell or the office were you work and demand progress, transparency and justice? My prayer is that we all have the courage to dare to do what is right at all times for the good of our souls and our world.